quiet moments

What do you think about in those quiet moments you have to yourself? Just before you fall asleep, or waiting for someone to arrive, or drinking a morning cup of coffee?

For me? Lots of things: regrets, guilt, shame, bitterness, pessimism, and self-loathing. Sometimes people I used to love, or hate. Sometimes, if I’m feeling good, I think of places I’ve traveled or sights I’ve seen.

Mostly regrets, though – stupid things I’ve done, people I’ve hurt, choices I’ve made, and missed opportunities.

I’m pretty well broken emotionally, but for some reason I have this stubborn streak that keeps me from giving in. The melodrama of suffering in silence, but telling everyone here about it.

As if anyone cares. Save the drama for your llama.

3 thoughts on “quiet moments

  1. immentallychill July 21, 2020 / 2:10 pm

    Mostly regrets for me, too. It’s hard not to dwell on even the tiniest of parenting mistakes and worry how it will affect things long-term.

    • fishrobber July 23, 2020 / 6:56 am

      I have worried about that also. I used to have over 500 posts here, and I swear over 100 of them were about how terrible a person I was and how bad of a parent I was. My biggest mistake – letting them play Xbox/Nintendo too much until they became addicted.

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