overload

Once again, it’s the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. When I wake up it is from a dream, from my wife coming to bed late, or from my CPAP mask not fitting properly. Sometimes I can adjust and go back to sleep, but not this past week. My brain is instantly wide awake. I give it 30 minutes to try to go back to sleep, but if I don’t succeed, I get up.

During that 30 minutes tonight, my brain was on fire. I had fragments of up to 10 songs playing in my head. I started thinking of three or four blog posts I wanted to write. I remembered I need to call my doctor. I was thinking about medication side effects. I remembered an abusive voice from the past. I was still irritated about an unfinished word search puzzle. I was thinking about what snacks were in the kitchen. I can’t tell you any of the other 40 things on my mind, because they came and went so quickly that I barely had time to process them.

So I’ve been up for almost two hours now, snacking, listening to the music in my brain, and feverishly writing all my ideas before I forget them all.

I don’t know if this is mania or attention deficit disorder (a topic for another post), but it isn’t good for my sleeping schedule. I’ll stay awake until my brain slows down a little, then probably just sleep in my chair again until morning.

2 thoughts on “overload

  1. Meghan January 18, 2021 / 5:07 pm

    I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Have faith that it won’t last forever and hold tight.

    • fishrobber January 18, 2021 / 6:04 pm

      Thank you .. As long as I’m not a danger to myself or anyone else, I’ll just ride it out. I’ve had enough experience to understand when to ask for help, and thankfully this isn’t one of those times.

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