running to stand still

Up. Down. Sideways.

Hopelessness. Defiance. Acceptance.

Spinning wheels, hit the brakes, stuck in first gear.

Restlessness. Depression. Mania. Fear. Anxiety. Psych meds with a whiskey chaser.

I don’t have a center right now. I can’t find balance. My brain is all over the place.

My doctor called me back tonight, and he is going to try a couple of things. My faith is wearing thin.

Work piling up, waiting for me to stop feeling overwhelmed and make my brain work properly. The forecast doesn’t look good for that at the moment.

I’m also calling a therapist tomorrow. Without help, I’m a train wreck waiting to happen, and I can’t crash right now. Actually I can’t ever, but that’s another discussion for later.

6 thoughts on “running to stand still

  1. Meghan

    Can you take a brief LOA from work until you’re a little more stable? I’m sure am having work pile up like that isn’t good for your mental state.

    1. You’re right, it’s very detrimental, but I don’t feel like I can take enough time off to be helpful. Everyone is my department is overloaded right now, and I don’t want to be the person who “can’t handle it”. If I don’t finish projects, it costs money and other people’s time. At some point though, I have to look out for myself first. I feel like I can take single vacation days here and there, and I’m hoping that will help for now.

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