a frustrating week

It has been a very frustrating week for me. I still have not heard anything about my interview three weeks ago. The wheels of HR turn slowly at the Big Gas Co., but now this is bothering me. Just make a decision already. As Tom Petty once said, the waiting is the hardest part.

Another source of tension is the fact that my daughter won’t take steps to improve her mental health. I have been trying for months to get her to make an appointment with a psych. I tell her I will make the phone call and all she has to do is be there to say “yes, he can discuss this with you” (because of privacy), but she won’t do that. I’ve been so angry with her this week. I told my wife I’m not equipped to deal with this situation, and it’s pushing me too far.

My wife and I planned months ago to take a short 3-day trip to celebrate our 30th anniversary, but I don’t know if it will happen because of my daughter. She is tapering one medication because she is running out, and won’t see a psych. She has been stable with the lower dosage, but if she has a mental health emergency while we are gone, we will have to return immediately. I’m not sure we should go, but we will only be two hours away.

There are so many things that cause me stress and worry, and I can’t control any of them. I’m compiling a growing list of triggers for anxiety and obsessive thinking, and I must say the list is quite extensive. I went to therapy to try to learn how to reduce my stress, but thinking about this mindfulness crap is stressing me out even more.

On Tuesday I went for a drive to calm myself down and ended up mildly lost in Pennsylvania, but thanks to Google Maps I found my way back to the freeway. Usually driving takes the stress away, but not this time. I got more angry and tense as I got closer to home.

Enough for now. I’ll post again when I hear about the job.

giving up

It’s tough to see someone simply give up on themselves and lose all faith in their ability to thrive. When it’s a friend or family member, you do what you can to help, with the understanding that they will attempt to help themselves as well. In this case, my daughter won’t do anything to help herself and is willing to let my wife and I do everything for her. Part of me wants to let her sink or swim, but I can’t do that. I’m not willing to let her be without health care or let her be homeless or destitute, or even committed to a long-term mental hospital. She wants others to take care of everything for her, including her health, and she can’t or won’t understand that she needs to be a partner in this. Until she agrees to take some responsibility for her own health, I don’t know what else to do. I wish I had a better answer.

[note: severely edited]

feeling better

My daughter came home from the hospital on Tuesday. The tests and the endoscopy were negative, so the most likely conclusion is that it was caused by smoking marijuana. All the sources I researched said her symptoms would be gone in 1-2 days after quitting, but apparently the THC was slow to leave her system, since she had the symptoms for almost a week after her last smoke. Anyway, she started feeling better Monday, and they kept her one more night to make sure there wasn’t a recurrence. I am relieved that she is okay now, because we were really worried about her.

Now I have to catch up on the work I missed, since I took 2-1/2 days off. Work doesn’t seem too important when your loved ones are seriously ill. I was behind last week, so now I’m even further in the hole. Now I have to manage my problems again. Ugh.

no vacation

I should be on a trail in Pennsylvania somewhere, but instead I’m sitting next to my daughter in a hospital room. She has had nearly constant nausea and frequent vomiting that has become worse over the last two weeks. We took her to the ER Wednesday, and they gave her prescriptions and sent her home. We had to return later on Wednesday because she couldn’t keep anything down.

The toxicology report said there was marijuana In her system, and they decided it was Cannibinoid Hyperemesis. She had been smoking pot to help the nausea, but instead it made her worse. They didn’t think they needed to do any more testing, but we asked them to look for other possibilities. She got a CT scan, but it showed nothing significant. They don’t want to do an endoscopy, but we will keep bugging until they agree.

Needless to say, things have been pretty glum around here. Hopefully we can get her healthy soon. I feel pretty helpless right now.