off the spectrum

I wrote previously that my new therapist asked me to do some research about autism, and see if I thought I might have it. I looked at multiple reputable sources, and after reading many lists of symptoms and presentations, I don’t seem to fit the overall autism profile. I suppose some of the criteria could apply to me, but it seems like two general patterns of autistic behavior are a lack of understanding of social norms, and difficulty with communication. I don’t feel like those two conditions apply to me at all, currently or in the past.

I know autism is a broad spectrum of different abilities and limitations, and it expresses itself in different ways with different people, but it just doesn’t feel right to me the way other diagnoses feel right. My actions and behaviors seem to be better explained by a combination of bipolar, ADHD, and personality changes resulting from years of emotional abuse in childhood. Even if my therapist and I decided I was a little bit autistic, what good would it do for me to have another label? There’s no treatment, and having that diagnosis doesn’t help me solve anything.

When I was diagnosed with bipolar, it explained everything that had happened up to that point in my life, and I finally got the treatment I needed. After being diagnosed with anxiety disorder, I am working on ways to finally deal with childhood traumas in order to help cope with my anxiety. I have also been diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder; I haven’t researched it extensively, but it seems to describe my thoughts and behaviors related to social interactions. My psychiatrist and I discussed OCD, and it seems to fit pretty well, but we didn’t really dive deep into that rabbit-hole. And although I haven’t been officially diagnosed with ADHD, I am very sure I meet almost all of the criteria for the inattentive type.

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